Monday, November 17, 2008

Alarming report for Cross Fingers Day


The Cross Fingers Foundation is pleased to announce the release of a "new" report on nagging that will raise further awareness of the problem and hopefully bring buckletloads of funding towards our excruciatingly overstaffed organisation.
The report, entitled You're Making Me Cross - How Women Tend To Make Men Really Angry, released to coincide with Cross Fingers Day this Friday, November 21, is a product of many hours of perusing old studies and cherrypicking data with a view to presenting an entirely "new" series of alarming findings to be served to the media like reheated pizza and pre-fingered party pies on the morning after a night when they actually meant something.
Some of the findings of the report may be:
* Nearly four in five domestic arguments are started by nagging women
* Three in four nag their partners every day, and
* A whopping 89% of wives admit to sometimes nagging their husbands just for the fun of it.
Dr. Hawley Crippen Jnr, author of the report, is a well-regarded expert in the field of male-female relationships. His research has appeared in an extensive library of balanced reports on gender issues, such as: Why Women Deserve Everything They Get (2000); "Shut Up!" - Women Who Nag and the Men Who Love Them (2001); "Cheaper Than Getting You Cosmetic Surgery!" - Why Men Drink and Why Women Won't Let Them (2003); and "Take That Wagging Finger and Shove It Up Your Arse!" - A Rational Look at The Battle of the Sexes (Third Edition).
Those wishing to view the actual report can fuck off.

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